I Blame His Father

There is very little that I remember from health class in junior high. I know enough, though, to know that it's the men who determine the sex of the child. If it were up to us women, and that little X chromosome that we donate 100% of the time - every cute little baby born would be a girl.

Don't get me wrong - I love my boy. I just don't get him. Actually, I don't get anything carrying a set of testicles. Because they're weird. They do bizarre things and think it's HILARIOUS!

Like tonight. We're sitting in the family room watching the season premiere of "Chuck" (which co-stars Adam Baldwin of Firefly. And if I have to explain the importance of that little bit of information, then pull up a chair. We need to talk). Dear hubby (you know, the one with the booby fetish?) had one of those plastic clips that we use to close chip bags. He asked if he could clip it to my nipple. Why? 'Cause he's a guy. Of course, I said no. Because I didn't like it when Cody would latch on while he was nursing - why in the HELL would I want a plastic clip on it??

What happened next, you ask? My son pipes up with: "Give it to me! I'll clamp it on my nipple!" And you know what?? My husband GAVE IT TO HIM! So there's my kid, with the clip on his nipple, cringing and saying "It doesn't hurt!" while my husband is doubled over in tears laughing his ass off!! All I could think was that someday, I was going to see my precious little boy in a Jackass video.

So then Cody snags THREE clips and tells me to grab the camera. And dutiful little blogger that I am, I now present you with my son, the next Johnny Knoxville:





Don't worry - he swears it doesn't hurt *snort*



Oy, I need a margarita!

On This Day...

Outside My Window... it's pitch black. Because it's 1:00 in the morning. (Why am I still up??) But if it were light out, I could look out my back window and see a yard that needs to be weeded.

I am thinking... that I need a wife. Because I need somebody who'll clean the house, do the cooking and the shopping so I can get some things done around here!

I am thankful for... a husband that, after 14 years together, I can still LMAO with.

From the kitchen... comes a swarm of fruit flies. Which have been *horrible* this year and threaten to overtake the house. Seriously! I killed two in my bathroom the other day, and I can assure you that no fruit has ever made it past that threshold!

I am going... to be wearing a swimsuit in a few months (for our vacation), and I don't even OWN a swimsuit! Or the body for a swimsuit.

This is how I'd *like* to look in swimsuit:


But, I don't. Not even BC (before Cody) did I look like that in a bikini. And did I mention that I'm white? I don't mean Caucasian, I mean anemic pale, white. Have-to-wear-sunglasses-so-as-not-to-burn-your-retina's white. Which should look GREAT on the beach in February, dontcha think?

I am reading... A Charlotte Mason Companion (again), Leadership Education, Let's Go Hawaii on a Budget, and Death Make a Holiday.

I am hoping... To win the lottery. Of course, I would up my chances considerably if I actually played. Other than that, I'm just hoping to get my house cleaned by the weekend.

I am hearing... my dog, barking to be let back in.

Around the house... are various piles from various projects that are in progress. And I'm trying to get some things in order before the contractor comes on Thursday (nothing fun, just some foundation work).

One of my favorite things... currently is munching down hummus and pita chips (yum) while watching Farscape (which has Ben Browder - double yum).

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week... You mean, besides the dishes and laundry and other fun things that I get to do on a daily basis? Well, we have a monthly homeschool activity that starts back up again on Friday (Cody can't wait), I'm working on getting several field trips put together, our typical (atypical) homeschool stuff, and that's about it. We're trying to get in one more quiet week before everything goes gang-busters again.

Here is picture I thought worth sharing.... because it is *so* our sense of humor! And we have a thing about spit wads (ahem, James!)

So there you go. What's on your agenda this week?

A Pack of Hungry Alpacas??

One of the families in our homeschooling group is moving to the boonies to become caretakers of an Alpaca farm. This weekend, the owner's were having their yearly Alpaca Days, so we thought we drive out and check it out.

Here's Cody, meeting some of "the girls".

This baby Alpaca (called a cria) was born just a few days ago. They had a suggestion list for a name for this little boy, and Cody's suggestion was "Wicket" (you know, like the ewok!)

Oooh, she eats like Cody does!

Aren't they cute?!?

See this handsome fella? Guess what he is. "Llama" you say? Well, sure. But guess what his job is. He's the guard llama. That's right - guard llama. Who needs a pit bull when you have a vicious attack llama??

When we had our fill of the animals, we headed up to the treehouse. I know - some treehouse! It even has electricity and running water.

Ahhh, feels like home!

To the Beach!

All I asked for this year for my birthday was a trip to the coast. Hubby's been so busy at work this summer that we haven't been since June. Friday was spent prepping for the trip so we could leave early Saturday morning. What goes in to prepping for a little road trip, you ask? Well, when hubby is going somewhere in my car (as opposed to his truck), it involves cleaning. Lots of cleaning. Because we homeschool. And spend a lot of time in the car. With a teenager. Who eats. Andeatsandeatsandeats. And likes to leave things that he loves EVERYWHERE - just in case he might need it at some point in the future. Which leaves very little room for extra passengers.

We got up early (for us ;) Saturday morning, and we were off like a herd of turtles, or a pack of hungry snails (*that's* where our blog title comes from ;)

We headed to Seaside first, and since we were hungry and the boys wanted chowder, that was our first order of business. Afterwards, we took a stroll to check out the shops, the bumper cars, and the dogs - which were EVERYWHERE. Unbeknownst to us, there was a dog show down the street and there were people and pups everywhere you turned. This would have been great except that our little dog thinks she's a big, vicious beastie dog and doesn't play well with other dogs. She surprised us all and behaved fairly well.

I popped into one of the candy stores for some treats. Just for fun, I bought some candy cigarettes, which I *loved* as a kid. Remember those? I figured they'd be dull and chalky, but we love sharing our childhood treats with bubba, so I bought a box. Guess what? They were even better than I remembered! I should have bought more, because we're apparently more than a one-pack-of-candy-cigarettes-a-day family, and we chowed through them pretty quickly. After Mike got out of the NASCAR store, the boys headed to the homemade ice cream shop for some cones. Then we were off to the beach.

We've never taken Zoe to the beach before and we weren't sure if she'd like it. Turns out she LOVES...the sand. Bounded about like a bunny. The water? Not so much.

Do you see Zoe in this picture? No? That's because the wave started coming back in as I was snapping the picture and she took off running. Did I mention that the wave was still a good 100 feet away? Didn't matter. She still took off like she was being chased by a 10 foot duck ;D

We went back to the car and headed down to Cannon Beach (aka Goonie Beach) and Haystack Rock. Of course, it wouldn't be a nature themed trip for us if we didn't find dead things. Lots and lots of dead things.

There we hundreds of dead jellyfish of varying sizes along the coastline. This one was probably 8 inches across.

And here's a dead bird...

and a dead crab. I saw a dead seal once. I prefer the small dead things, thank you.

I know, it seems gross, but we are homeschoolers after all, and we're good at finding educational opportunities - even in dead things. See this photo below? That's a bird who tried to share his dead crab lunch with bubba. Followed him around flinging a crab leg at him, and seemed quite put out that bubba didn't want any of his nummy treat.

I can't believe how tall he is getting.

Me and my honey!

While bubba played in the water, Zoe played in the sand. She *loves* digging in soft stuff. Which is why we had to keep her away from the garden beds after planting ;D

And this is what happens when you leave your shoes near where the dog is digging.

We were getting ready to head farther down the beach when we saw this rolling in:

So we hopped back in the car and made a stop at the Pioneer Cemetery. You may be thinking: "That is a very weird place to visit on your birthday." You might be right. But I love, love, love old cemeteries. Hubby always calls me a freak, but guess who's happy a** was plodding along side mine reading all the headstones? Yep, Mr. Freak himself. It was actually a pretty cool cemetery, as we only found one burial that was after 1939. Most ended about 1900.

I loved this one, especially since it was an original wood headstone. How it has survived this long in all the Oregon rain, I'll never know. The bottom of it reads: "Sleep love, until we meet again".

All in all, a great birthday!

You Like Me! You Really Like Me!

OK, corny Sally Field references aside, two of my favorite blog-buddies graced me with awards this past week.

Kerry gave me this great award because we are not only like named, we're like mommed (is that even a word?) ;D


Lori gave me this one because my blog means something special to her *blush*


Thanks ladies! You've made my week!

Happy Birthday To Me! and other news

On Saturday we headed up to Hood River to go to Western Aeroplane & Automobile Museum http://www.waaamuseum.org/ Mike had done a job there a few days before and had seen them prepare to fly this little gem:



It's a 1917 Curtiss Jenny. Turns out, this museum not only collects and restores vintage planes and cars, it believes that they should continue to be operated so that people can fully appreciate them.


See the motorcycle in the foreground? It has the same engine as the plane. Kinda scary, isn't it? I like my planes to have a little larger engine, thank-you-very-much.

Mike was impressed with these:


Can you guess what it is? No? It's a 155 mm Howitzer shell. Yeah, I didn't know what they were, either.




Cody fell in love with this car, a 1957 Studebaker. He was bugging the crap out of Mike asking if they could please, please, please buy one as a project car and fix it up. Of course, he hasn't said a word about it since we left ;) I swear, the boy has the attention span of a gnat.

Here's Mike with his favorite plane: a 1941 Ryan PT-22 Recruit Trainer. And yes, he's finally smiling in a picture. Guess what the magic word is to get both of my guys to smile for a picture? "Boobies". Like father, like son.

On to my birthday!

I was greeted this morning by this question from my son: "So? Do you feel old yet?"


He's a peach, isn't he? Who would have thought that the cute, dimpled little boy would grow up to be such a smart ass? Oh, wait. I did. Given the DNA he inherited from his father and I, it's really no surprise.

Mike had to work tonight, so my friends Kala, Jana, and Diane picked me up and we headed to dinner. There was lots of laughter, lots of food, a couple of Limoncello Lemonade's, and a few mentions of:

All in all - a very good day ;D

Alive and Kicking!

My new motto: "Please cancel my subscription. I'm tired of your issues."

I know. I've been a very bad blogger lately, but it couldn't be helped! My mother wasn't visiting, but I had a heaping helping of mother crap to deal with the last week. Unfortunately, she requires so much energy to deal with it leaves little left over for the other areas of my life. Luckily, it has been taken care of, and if all goes as planned, it will be the last of the crud for quite a while!

I did get to pop my head up for air last weekend long enough for us to attend our friend James' 50th birthday party, which was appropriately themed "Hawaii 5-0". At one point a man asked me and my friend Diane if we ever stopped laughing. We were like: "No. This is pretty much all we do when we're together."

And you'll *love* this photo:

Yes, I'm wearing a coconut bra. And yes, that's my hubby in a skirt. He wasn't the only one at the party in a grass skirt, but he was the only guy in one!

Here's a better picture of the skirt so that you can get the full effect ;)

My friend Jana (James' wife) is lovingly referred to as our Martha Stewart. She goes all out for each bash she throws, and not only made a Luau themed buffet for 70 party guest, she even made this volcano cake, complete with erupting meringue frosting.


I'll be back in regular circulation from now on, girls. Promise! ;D

Our 7th Annual "Not Back to School Day"

One of our favorite traditions is our annual "Not Back to School Day". We started it our first year of homeschooling (could it really be 7 years ago???) as a way to help ease us into this strange new world. At the time, we lived right by an elementary school (I'd lay in bed every morning and listen to the announcements over the PA system) and we didn't know any other homeschoolers, so neither of us knew what to expect. Cody thought he was the only homeschooler in the world, and I wanted him to be excited about our new venture. That first day, we headed out to breakfast and then the movies. He thought it was pretty cool to be having fun while all those other kids were in school

So here we are, in the car heading out for our annual day of play.



First stop: The Tolgate Inn for Breakfast. Blueberry pancakes with a side of biscuits for Cody and a vegetarian omelet for me.



Next stop: Borders! This is one of Cody's favorite places to hang out.



Here he is with our Border's finds of the day. I found a meditation journal and book on diseases through the ages (yes, I'm morbid) for myself, and Cody picked 3 books on WWII and a kit on Leonardo da Vinci. Believe it or not, we spent less than $40!



Next stop was the Army surplus store (I know - Woo Hoo!) where Cody and I split the cost of a ghillie suit. Cody wants to be a sniper for Halloween, so this is his costume. Our friends Jana and James have an annual Halloween party complete with costume contest and Cody wants to defend his title of "Best Costume".



Final stop: the movies!



What would be a trip to the theater without popcorn??



Cody finishes off every trip to the movies by battling Darth Vader and the rest of the Empire before we finally head home.



Do/did you have any traditions to mark the beginning of the school year?

The Phantom and Avoiding My To-Do List

Well, this was my last weekend to get my S*** together before school starts. Did you guess that I did it? 'Cause if you did, you'd be wrong!

Granted, we got some stuff done including cleaning the carpets and upholstered furniture. But that was really the only thing on my to-do list that got done. The rest of the time we just played.

Sunday Cody and I went into downtown Portland to meet a bunch of friends for the Broadway Across America production of Phantom of the Opera.



Cody and I ended up getting downtown about 45 minutes before we were to meet everyone, so we had some time to kill. First up, Cody wanted to go to the top of the parking structure to see the view.




Yes, that is an umbrella he's holding. 'Cause we were having plenty of liquid sunshine! The temp soared to 63 degrees that day. (Can you hear the sarcasm as I type??)





This is the pic that Cody took from the top of the parking structure. I know, we are an easily entertained bunch, aren't we?

We then headed to Starbucks for our favorite treat - peppermint hot chocolate.





We met our friends at the theatre and headed to our seats. We filled the entire row, and there was nobody seated behind us (which was a good thing, because we were probably annoying the crap out of those seated in front of us!) My friend Diane was sitting next to me and kept jumping and grabbing my knee every time something exploded onstage. This, of course, had me in hysterics. As I said - easily amused ;D


After the play, we headed home to pick up Mike and then on to a family picnic that one of the the families in our homeschool group was hosting at their house. Way out in the sticks. WAY OUT. As in, not only would they never find your body - they'd never even find your car, way-out.

We had friends over again today, and guess what? School starts tomorrow. And we're not ready. Ah well, there's something to be said for spontaneity :D